Zombie Watch! Unwatchable!

Saturday night after spending a big chunk of the day doing some podcast production, I decided to go through my Netflix Instant Streaming Queue and check out some of the unknown zombie movies that I had lined up.

They were unknown for a reason. So here were some zombies movies I turned off after a short time because they were simply awful.

"Platoon of the Dead" (John Bowker)

Shot on video, a bunch of very, very non-military bad actors pretending they are in the Army, using plastic guns, spouting incredibly bad dialogue . . . one step up from a a bunch of college kids deciding to make a zombie movie. Actually, strike that. One step down from a bunch of college kids deciding to make a zombie movie.

"Zombie Wars" (David A. Prior)

Another movie shot on video, better weaponry than Platoon of the Dead but the dialogue was just as bad and the women who were supposedly raised by zombies as food somehow showed up clean and well shaven and able to learn language. Some decent zombie performances in terms of movement styles, though the make-up was a bit too garish and bright. I lasted about 15 minutes, but since I didn’t care about a single person, and since the dialogue was dumb, I turned it off and deleted it from my Netflix Instant Queue.

"My Dead Girlfriend" (Brett Kelly)

Ouch. This is painful. I can’t even make it to the part where the girlfriend dies and is brought back. Wow – this is the least interesting packing-up-to-move-into-my-professor-boyfriend’s-apartment scene ever! Buh-bye!

"Undead Or Alive" (Glasgow Phillips)

I actually tried watching this several weeks ago with Erin. Money was obviously spent on this movie and it was an actual bone fide real movie with actual actors and quality film production. Too bad people wasted their time on such a crappy script. The humor was not humorous and after about 10 minutes it became obvious that there was a very good reason nobody recalls Chris Kattan’s breakout performance . . . because it wasn’t there.

On this day..